I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was moving from my comfortable classroom job and throwing myself into a job outside of what I am used too. I am not going to lie, I thought I was going to be able to handle the demands of this new teaching job but the fact is, it scares the heck out of me!
I am so afraid that I am not doing enough teaching and that I am failing my students by not pushing them for more! I am constantly coming home and crying because of things that are outside of my control. I moved away from my buddies and co-workers and have been going through all the feelings with my isolation! For the first time in years, I felt defeated by my job!
I want to paint you a clear picture of what it is like to be a behavior specialist. With the students, you can almost guess at what you are getting. Behavior Specialist get to see all the documentation on students and learn their quirks before they even meet the student. However, you know what you do not learn in those files? You don't learn that now you get to listen to the complaints of others because "your" student doesn't know that they need to sit quietly during activities that they do not want to do. You get to sit there and smile when you find another error in some paperwork. You get to nod when someone tells you that they do not want "your" student in their classroom.
When I say I come home and cry, just know it's never about the kids. I love my "kids" and will go down swinging for them because I know that they need someone in their corner. These kids need someone to fight for them and change the conversation. Not every day in my classroom is bad and some days we learn more about ourselves than we do about the content standards. Some days we have more hugs and laughs than we do screams. Some days, we are getting by on the fact that we did not have to call any parents.
My new job isn't walk in the park but it is an adventure!
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